"Blank and Too Much Coffee"

I can't tell you how many times I have sat down to blog about something the past weeks and been unable to come up with anything to blog about really... Now would be a very ideal time to blog as I have had too much coffee and am completely awake and jittery. I LOVE coffee though. There is something comforting and inviting about it. Plus, it helps keep me moving when I haven't had enough sleep. So, what're you gonna do right?
So, here I sit, at my sister Amy's house, still bundled up in my coat and scarf and in her nice, cozy recliner, blogging the randomness that pops into my head. Who knows where this may take us! :)
Tonight I went to the Noga's (for the 2nd time today actually) and watched the season premiere of "The Real World: Washington D.C." as we have a "friend" (I put it in quotes because I don't really KNOW this girl. I met her a time or two at Rock the Planets in Kirksville, MO, so she is really more of an acquaintance of mine)who is on that show this season who was born and raised in a "sister church" but has found herself disillusioned and hurt by people's failures and short-comings, well, among other things, and who is, fairly blatantly, not currently in church or actively serving God... It's always sad and a smidge astounding to hear what people who have left the church or become disillusioned about God and God-things have to say. Even when I was in Illinois this past week, I had a rather disappointing, sad, and even frustrating conversation with people who felt they had been wronged by the church. Which, in all fairness, they had been, but at the same time, the situation had happened over 5 years ago! Five years is a long freaking time to hold such a grudge. They had some not very nice things to say about a few people and went on to tell me how good they are doing in the church of which they are currently a part, which is great and I am happy for them... But, while I'm not judging the state of their hearts, I just can't help but wonder how at peace they really are in their walk with God... Does that make sense? How can one TRULY be in a right relationship with God, yet still have bitterness and, dare I say, unforgiveness, toward their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Doesn't the Bible say you have to forgive in order to be forgiven? And, even if the Bible DIDN'T say that, shouldn't that be the natural inclination anyway as a Christian? I can understand it coming from people who have walked away from God and the Church entirely, but I'm not gonna lie... It saddened me to have such a conversation with people who are actively pursuing God. I walked away quite heavy-hearted. Not only was their unforgiveness an issue for me, their entire way of not allowing people to change was a bit atrocious to me as well. What I mean by that is they were still assuming that this particular church and the people in it were still exactly the same as they had been 5 years ago or longer, which is just simply NOT the case. How sad would it be if it were the case?!?! It is beyond a pet-peeve of mine to have people, in their OWN little heads and worlds, not allow people to change. It is such a misfortune and injustice! Because of an assumption and out of bitterness, they are missing out on MANY great relationships, not to mention the fact that they are completely negating the work of God in those people that has, indeed, taken place throughout the 5 years+ since they last saw the people. It would sadden me to have someone keep me boxed in to who I was even a year ago. I feel I have done so much changing and growing in this past year and it has cost me much. I would hate for people to think I am the exact same person I was even a year or 6 months ago... I am just simply NOT the same. Does that mean I think I've figured it all out and see things crystal clearly? No, unfortunately, but I am in the fight and seeking God... I know that this church and a lot of the people in it (especially the leaders with whom they still have a beef) have striven to change and grow and not do things the same way they have for the past decade, and it is something I greatly appreciate and respect. Have "they" always done it right? Of course not! They are human, afterall. But it is the recognition of wrongs done and the intention of making things right and operating differently that makes the wrongs almost insignificant and the past not overshadow the future. The things done may still hurt, but hopefully one doesn't hang onto or operate from those hurts and wrongs done. Isn't that a part of growing and maturing- not holding onto past hurts and things done incorrectly, but instead loving each other and FORGIVING each other IN SPITE OF such situations and hurts? There's a word for such a thing... What is it? Oh yeah... LOVE. For love "doesn't keep a record of wrongs"... That rings a bell somehow... Where did I read that? Oh yeah... the BIBLE. Huh. That is weird... The entire time I was talking to these people, I felt a bit incredulous and was thinking "Are you serious?!?! A) You don't QUITE know what you're talking about as you haven't stepped foot inside that particular church since you bailed, so you don't even really KNOW those people anymore, B) Where is the forgiveness? and C)How about a little grace that allows people to NOT remain the same?" For crying out loud! We cannot keep people in a little box that keeps them small! If a person is actively pursuing God, there is also a pursuance of change and growth and a hunger to be more like God. And, inasmuch, if we continually keep people small, we are, in turn, keeping God small. In essence, we are saying that God isn't big enough to do the work He has promised to do in people and through people. By keeping people small, we are negating the work of God and HIS ability to work and move. Yes, people screw up and injure other people, but is God not, in fact, able to move? Is He not able to breathe life into a situation where once there was death and destruction? Is He not able to merely whisper and bring things and situations about? Is He not able to REDEEM time and situations? My prayer is this: That we forgive one another. And LOVE one another. And have vision for one another. And have grace for one other. And allow people to change and grow, not because of our faith in each other necessarily, but because of our faith in God and HIS perfectness, in HIS work and ability to move and change things. My prayer is also that those of us out there who have, in fact, been hurt by "the church" learn to mature and not keep holding on to those past hurts.
Jesus, we need You. I don't know what else to do or say except to ask Your grace and mercy. Please help us to see that it isn't the people (flesh and blood) that we war against, but instead "against the principalities, against the powers, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Eph 6:12 ASV)" that are trying to shut us out and down. Help us truly forgive one another that we may have true communion with You. The next time such a conversation arises, please help me know what to say to potentially help change the course of the conversation and maybe even their perspective. You know I tried, but I felt a little stuck, so grant me wisdom and give me Your words to speak. "Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace..."