"My Gift"

Today, Donovan and I went to Salina to hang out and get out of the house and enjoy the beautiful day. I love spending time with him like that. He makes me so very proud to be his mom. He is very polite and well-behaved. He was sure to say "please" and "thank you" when necessary and when told "no" didn't throw fits or pout. Maybe that seems trivial, but when you work with the public, you see a number of flat-out BRATS. Kids who scream, cry, kick, throw themselves on the floor, grab at everything in sight, etc., etc... So, it makes me VERY thankful for my son, who does not do those things. And, that doesn't mean he NEVER pouts when told "no", but his reaction is quite mild in comparison. He is an amazing kid. Always has been. Even on the night he was born, he let out the smallest little squeak and that was it. The doctor and nurses were even a bit concerned because he didn't really CRY when he was out. He was just content. He was wide-awake and looking around and seemed as though he was just taking it all in and in wonder of this new, strange world into which he'd been born. He was the most beautiful thing in my world. Still is. When all is dark and cloudy, when the sun seems as if it may NEVER break through the clouds... My son is my one ray of sunshine. I know he is my gift from God. God knew I needed him and knew I would continue to need him. Sometimes you just need that ONE reason to get out of bed and keep going. Donovan has been mine. To some, that may seem a bit, extreme. To others, you know exactly what I mean. There are times when Donovan comes and launches himself into my arms, wraps his little arms around my neck, squeezes as hard as he possibly can, and tells me with enthusiasm, "I LOVE you, Mommy!". Throughout the day today, he kept telling me," I sure love you, Mommy". And, in those moments, the sunshine I am so desperate for breaks through the clouds... In those moments, the storm that rages within is calmed... Even if only for THAT moment. I can breathe again. I can catch my breath again. I can FEEL again.
Every day I pray for my son. I pray peace. I pray protection of his mind and heart. I beg God to keep his spirit at calm. I beg God to let his innocence remain. I beg God not to let my son be crushed in this time of battle. I beg God not to let the chaos of MY life destroy him. OH! How I beg God to not let my son be destroyed!!! Don't let my sins and the sins of his father pass to him! Protect his innocent heart! Protect his mind! Protect his spirit! Plug his ears to the perversion he hears! Somehow, someway, let only the good things he sees and hears remain. Please, God, let the bad pass him by. Let him always be resilient to whatever is going on around him that isn't of You. Please, God... Be ever near him. Even at this young age, let him know Your voice. Your touch. Your presence. Your comfort. Your peace. Please... God...

Psalm 34

1) " I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2) My soul shall make its boast in the Lord. The humble shall hear it and rejoice. 3) Oh magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together. 4) I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. 5) They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. 6) This poor man cried and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. 7) The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them. 8) Oh taste and see that the Lord is good. How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! 9) Oh fear the Lord, you His saints; for to those who fear Him, there is no want. 10) The young lions do lack and suffer hunger, but they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing. 11) Come, you children, listen to me! I will teach you the fear of the Lord. 12) Who is the man who desires life, and loves length of days that he may see good? 13) Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. 14) Depart from evil, and do good. Seek peace, and pursue it. 15) The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. 16) The face of the Lord is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 17) The righteous cry and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of their troubles. 18) The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19) Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20) He keeps all his bones. Not one of them is broken. 21) Evil shall slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. 22) The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned." (NASB version)