"My Gift"

Today, Donovan and I went to Salina to hang out and get out of the house and enjoy the beautiful day. I love spending time with him like that. He makes me so very proud to be his mom. He is very polite and well-behaved. He was sure to say "please" and "thank you" when necessary and when told "no" didn't throw fits or pout. Maybe that seems trivial, but when you work with the public, you see a number of flat-out BRATS. Kids who scream, cry, kick, throw themselves on the floor, grab at everything in sight, etc., etc... So, it makes me VERY thankful for my son, who does not do those things. And, that doesn't mean he NEVER pouts when told "no", but his reaction is quite mild in comparison. He is an amazing kid. Always has been. Even on the night he was born, he let out the smallest little squeak and that was it. The doctor and nurses were even a bit concerned because he didn't really CRY when he was out. He was just content. He was wide-awake and looking around and seemed as though he was just taking it all in and in wonder of this new, strange world into which he'd been born. He was the most beautiful thing in my world. Still is. When all is dark and cloudy, when the sun seems as if it may NEVER break through the clouds... My son is my one ray of sunshine. I know he is my gift from God. God knew I needed him and knew I would continue to need him. Sometimes you just need that ONE reason to get out of bed and keep going. Donovan has been mine. To some, that may seem a bit, extreme. To others, you know exactly what I mean. There are times when Donovan comes and launches himself into my arms, wraps his little arms around my neck, squeezes as hard as he possibly can, and tells me with enthusiasm, "I LOVE you, Mommy!". Throughout the day today, he kept telling me," I sure love you, Mommy". And, in those moments, the sunshine I am so desperate for breaks through the clouds... In those moments, the storm that rages within is calmed... Even if only for THAT moment. I can breathe again. I can catch my breath again. I can FEEL again.
Every day I pray for my son. I pray peace. I pray protection of his mind and heart. I beg God to keep his spirit at calm. I beg God to let his innocence remain. I beg God not to let my son be crushed in this time of battle. I beg God not to let the chaos of MY life destroy him. OH! How I beg God to not let my son be destroyed!!! Don't let my sins and the sins of his father pass to him! Protect his innocent heart! Protect his mind! Protect his spirit! Plug his ears to the perversion he hears! Somehow, someway, let only the good things he sees and hears remain. Please, God, let the bad pass him by. Let him always be resilient to whatever is going on around him that isn't of You. Please, God... Be ever near him. Even at this young age, let him know Your voice. Your touch. Your presence. Your comfort. Your peace. Please... God...