"And I will give You rest..." (Matthew 11:28)God knows I need it!
What a week! Before I get into that, let me just tell you that the week PRIOR TO this one, was rough. I was feeling VERY panicky. Money runs out quickly. School was still undecided. I didn't know what I needed to BE DOING. My case manager about my grant for school wasn't calling or emailing me back... PANIC. I fought hard against it, but it was quickly taking over... But then a STILL, small voice broke through the thunder and chaos. I felt an inclination to re-read my journal. And in it I found notes I had taken while reading a book called "Traveling Light". It was a breakdown of the 23rd Psalm and in the book it talks about "letting go of the burdens we were never intended to carry"... and it goes through a list of burdens (or luggage) that we collect and pick up throughout life's journey. One of the lines that stuck out to me (again) is," Counselors can comfort you IN the storm, but you need a God who can STILL the storm- You need Yahweh." Through this incredibly difficult time in my life, my friends and family have stepped up and been AMAZING. I have often found myself astounded by the people with which God has surrounded me. But they are not enough. Only God is enough. I believe God put in us a need for each other, but I think it is important to realize that it is ONLY God who is able to satisfy us COMPLETELY and who can take care of EVERY need. Another thing I wrote down that helped me take a deep breath and accept the peace that God was extending me is this:" Change your focus and relax. Slow down and God will heal you. He will bring rest to your mind, to your body, and most of all, your soul. He will lead you to green pastures." And also, " In a world rocky with human failure, there is a land lush with Divine Mercy. The Shepherd invites us there. He wants you to lie down, to nestle deeply until you are hidden, buried in the tall shoots of His love... and there you will find rest." After re-reading things like that, it 1) made me happy that I took the time to write a lot of that stuff down and 2) helped me shift my focus. Because here's the deal, this situation that I am in the middle of... It's already figured out. Not by ME right this second, but it IS figured out. God has it figured out. He knows how it's going to turn out. There is no uncertainty for Him. He knows. He's in control. And I can rest in that. I can rest in His promise that His plans for me are "...for welfare and NOT for calamity to give you a future and a hope..." (Jeremiah 29:11).
So moving on to THIS week... I had an interview that went well for a job at Starbucks. I was able to obtain peace about school and get some direction as far as what I could DO to get the ball rolling. My case manager for my grant for school was able to get a hold of me (turns out she was calling me back at a wrong number). Things were accomplished and not hopeless after all... Funny how things do tend to work out, huh? I know I will feel EVEN BETTER when I actually know whether or not I get the job at Starbucks, when I start school, when my grant has gone through for school, etc... BUT for now, I will wait patiently for the Lord, and He will continue to renew my strength and grant me peace.
Father God, I rest in You. I give You my future... Please help me to trust You. You have never once failed me, and I know You're not going to start now. I know Your faithfulness. I know Your mercy. I know Your compassion. Thank You for these things. I choose to trust in You. I choose rest...
