"Random... I know..."

I've thought many a time about writing about life, whether on paper or on my computer somehow, and with everything that has been going on, I decided now is as good a time as any. So... here goes...
To those of you (if there are any) crazy enough to actually read this: I apologize in advance for the random and, more than likely, distraught thoughts I am about to take from thoughts and put to words...
My son, Donovan, just turned 2 on Sunday, September 6th. Saturday night as I tucked him in for bed, I found myself looking down at his tired little face and wondering where the time went in such a hurry. I leaned over the side of his bed, stroked his hair and his face, and told him, as I do every night when I tuck him in, that I love him more than anything else in this whole world and that he is, by far, my most favorite person. He did his usual smile with his confident "Yeah" and pulled his favorite blanket up to his chin and closed his eyes, completely at peace knowing that he is loved and means more to his mommy than anyone else in the whole world. As I walked out of the room, I wiped away the tears I found making a trail down my face and begged God to let me figure out how to obtain that same level of peace and contentment in knowing how loved I am by Him. I know I make it so complex and, even in knowing that, I can't seem to figure out how to simplify it. Why is it so hard to be completely sure of God's love? As I read the Bible and hear others talk about God's love, it SEEMS so simple and yet, everyday I walk through life sure of my failures and disappointing God and others around me and UNsure of God's love in spite of those things. How do I change that? How do I walk in confidence of God's unconditional love instead of laden with the guilt and shame of my failings and short-comings? Looking at my son and seeing his peace, I guess to some extent I can understand unconditional love, because I know that, absolutely no matter what Donovan does that day, I will ALWAYS love him and there is nothing he will do in his lifetime to change that, but my screw-ups seem so much more harsh and unforgivable in comparison to whatever Donovan may have done that day to earn a spanking or a time-out or reprimand... How does one get to the place of living simply in the grace and love of God that is being poured out by God Himself each and every day? How does one learn to live not under the shame and guilt of faults, but under His mercy?

Ah, Heavenly Father, I thank You so much for my son, Donovan. He has been an incredible blessing and a reminder of Your goodness every day. I also thank You for Your Son and for the blood that He poured out to make the way for us to be able to have You.
I find my mind always at war, Lord, trying to sift through life and all it throws at me. I can see so clearly the mistakes made throughout the day and it's so easy to be blinded and discouraged by those things. But I don't want to live under the guilt and shame of those mistakes. Teach me to walk with confidence in Your love and Your unfailing grace, God. In my HEAD it's so easy to know that You love me and there's nothing I could ever do to change that, but it seems impossible to convince my heart of those things. I think that, if I learned to function and move and breathe and think out of truly knowing You and Your love for me, I could probably change the world... Please redeem lost time and help me to look hopefully and confidently to the future.