Alone and Lonely

Donovan is in his bed sleeping and Josiah went to work a few minutes ago. I am sitting at the computer reading my friends' blogs and have found myself crying. The past several months have been ones that I would not care to repeat, and in the midst of the trying times, I have found myself yelling at God that I miss my friends! I miss my family! I miss BEING A PART of a group of people intent on living wholesome and right lives. I miss being a part of things period... This past trip to Pittsburg I left with a profound sense of sadness knowing I was leaving where I belong. I am trying so hard to be content with where we are here in Ellsworth, but am having the hardest time making my attitude catch up to my thoughts. Loneliness is a horrid feeling, and one that has been a rare occurance in my lifetime, what with 5 siblings and an incredible amount of cousins and aunts and uncles... Yeah, not so much in the lonely department. There were times when I felt lost in the crowd, unsure of where or how I fit in, but never really lonely. I so much crave an adult conversation, as the people here I talk to the most are all in highschool and, no offense to them, but the unsatiated need for drama wears me out! The problems of everyday highschool life are not ones that I care to concern myself with unless, of course, there is a serious problem and they need a big sister. That is something with which I can deal. Sometimes it is nice to feel needed.
To all of my friends in Pitt and spread abroad: I miss you and love you. I appreciate your friendship and look forward to the time I will see you next.

God, please help with my attitude. I know that it needs adjusted, but am having a hard time of it myself. Please help me be able to focus on You and be looking for every opportunity to make the best of each day. I'm sorry for my discontentment and want to learn to have peace and joy WHEREVER I may be. Thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for my son, who is a joy and the best reason to get out of bed every day. You are amazing, God, and I know that You have a reason for where I am. Help me to accomplish all You have planned while we are here, no matter how long that is. I need Your help, Lord. My strength is insufficient, but I know that You are more than enough for me...