Psalm 34

1) " I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2) My soul shall make its boast in the Lord. The humble shall hear it and rejoice. 3) Oh magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together. 4) I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. 5) They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. 6) This poor man cried and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. 7) The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them. 8) Oh taste and see that the Lord is good. How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! 9) Oh fear the Lord, you His saints; for to those who fear Him, there is no want. 10) The young lions do lack and suffer hunger, but they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing. 11) Come, you children, listen to me! I will teach you the fear of the Lord. 12) Who is the man who desires life, and loves length of days that he may see good? 13) Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. 14) Depart from evil, and do good. Seek peace, and pursue it. 15) The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. 16) The face of the Lord is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 17) The righteous cry and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of their troubles. 18) The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 19) Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20) He keeps all his bones. Not one of them is broken. 21) Evil shall slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. 22) The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned." (NASB version)

"When I Remember" by Blindside

"That boy is gone.
Sometimes I miss the way he wept at night.
To be still and not run...
To be rocked to sleep in Your light...
These days there is not much that will bring tears to my eyes, but when I remember who I am and who You are...
When I remember...
A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes, and sunshine breaks through the clouds.

I am walking blind.
I'm so distracted that I don't even feel when You hold me.
When did I grow such a thick skin?
You are my Sunshine and Rain, my Joy, and Sweet Pain.
I'm a spotless stain.
That boy is gone, but nobody moves me like You do...
When I remember...
A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes, and sunshine breaks through the clouds.
I can cry out of sorrow and joy, every drop of rain turns into crystal in the sun...

So wash my eyes, my clothes, my skin, my bones, my soul, my feet, my love...
I'm not forgotten.
I'm in Your thoughts 'cause I feel sunshine in the rain...
To this day, nobody moves me like You do..."

"How Do You Know? (and several other unanswered questions)"

How do you know when it's time to call enough enough? How do you know when one detriment can possibly avoid another? How do you know when to let go and when to hold on tighter? How do you know when it's time to move on? How do you know what to say in a painful and difficult situation? How do you know when you are holding on too tight or not tight enough? How do you know when it's ok to call it "quits"? How do you know when it's time to realize a situation isn't, in fact, going to be resolved and it's time to move on from it? How do you know when fighting for something has become pointless instead of purposeful? How do you know when you aren't quitting, but instead simply accepting the inevitable and trying to plan for the future? How do you move on when all that you feel is fear and trepidation? How do you move on when everything on the inside of you wants to die and not face another day? How do you know God isn't angry with you and doesn't hate you? How do you know He'll forgive a seemingly un-forgivable situation? How do you know that you haven't fallen too far to be recovered? How do you know you haven't fallen so far from grace that God WON'T stretch out His hand and rescue you? What if you've fallen too far? What if the road you've taken has taken you out of reach? What if you've found yourself too far gone to find your way back? How do you know if God's hand of mercy will be extended to you? How do you know if choosing to trust now will be worth it for the tomorrows? How do you know if you can make it? How do you it will all be ok?

"Mmmm... The Rain"

I love the rain. Not particularly when it is 20 degrees outside, but when it is a nice spring or summer rain and it is 60+ degrees while it is raining... Mmmmm... Yeah... Some of my favorite times. I'm sure it's because I have so many good memories from playing in the rain when I was younger. I honestly didn't retain a lot of my childhood memories for one reason or another, but most of the ones I did manage to keep hold of are of times in the rain. In Wichita, we lived on Custer Street, which happened to be a dead-end street, and when it rained, it ALWAYS flooded. No matter how much or how little it rained, it flooded. And we loved it. In fact, I think there were times when all of the kids from our entire block would go play in the floodwater. Wild and free. In Arma, us silly girls would wash our hair in the rain(that would be thanks to those ridiculous Herbal Essence's commercials). We would take pitchers with us and fill them up with the rainwater rushing off the roof of the house and poor the, oftentimes frigid, water on our heads to rinse the shampoo out... Wow, that is silly! Come on, we were a bunch of girls, what do you expect? :) I remember countless times of running around and jumping in ginormous puddles and just feeling carefree. Though I also remember that there were those times, when I would just sit and let the rain run over me, and I would sit unmoving while I prayed and let my tears mingle with the raindrops on my face. There were times when the rain was my soothing balm. There were times when I felt God wept with me, and there were times I could swear I felt a warm breath on my cheek. Do you think God does that- weeps with us? Even though He knows everything will be ok? Do you think He weeps when our hearts are in turmoil and we ache so much it feels like our hearts may actually break? Do you think He weeps with us when, after a long run of trying to get out of reach of His hand (which isn't possible, by the way), we finally cease striving and surrender to His embrace?

Ah, Father... Thank You for the rain today. Thank You that there are seasons, and that spring is on its way. It has been a very long winter, both physically and emotionally, and I feel exhausted and numb. I am so ready for warmth and sunshine. I thank You that with the spring comes a renewal of life. You ARE faithful, and I am so thankful for that.

"Ugh..."

This whole week Donovan and I have been dealing with sinus crap. My sinus issues are stemming from yet another sinus infection and I think his are stemming from cutting his 2-year molars. No fun for either of us. Needless to say, we have also both been exceptionally tired as evidenced by our 4 1/2 hour naps yesterday. Yes. 4 1/2 hours. Both of us. His nap happened because he is just flat-out exhausted. Cutting teeth is hard work and, add a cough and runny nose on top of it and, well, you get the point. He's miserable... and whiney. And I feel bad for him, but find myself running short on patience at the incessant whining... Just pray that we both start feeling better ASAP.

Why is it when you are feeling crappy one way, all other ways to feel crappy surface too? Is feeling miserable physically not enough? I need to feel miserable emotionally and spiritually as well? Kind of a "kick you while you're down" situation? If it's a tactic of the Enemy, it's a good one. If it's God just testing me and what-not, I hope I pass quickly or get help real quick because I feel like quitting.

Jesus, I need Your help. I am feeling lonely and worn out. Please intervene. Quickly. Please heal my son and relieve his pain. Please give me the patience he needs from me. Show up quickly, God. Please.

"Overview of Recent Trip to Pitt"

The other morning I woke up to the sound of a knock on the front of the door, "Finding Nemo" playing in the background, my husband hurrying to answer the door, and Donovan's excited jumping up and down... The knock on the door was by a man delivering the flowers my husband had purchased for me for Valentine's Day. It was nice to wake up to and Donovan's excited "Oh wow!" when he saw what was in the box was so cute. Thank you for the flowers, Josiah!

This past weekend in Pitt seemed to go by so quickly, but it was filled with many tears, much laughter, and great conversations. Friday, I got to spend time with one of my most favorite people, Christian Bedore, and in talking to her, I was reminded again of why she is, in fact, one of my favorites. I know you aren't probably supposed to have favorites, but I can't help it! She is one of the most guileless and real people I know. She is so refreshing to be around. I told her I was looking for some good worship music, so she told me she'd look around and see what she could come up with and Sunday afternoon she brought me an entire stack of cds of music she'd found that she thought I'd like. It was so sweet and meant a lot to me. I am super excited to delve into the music and let it wash over me.

Also on Friday was my family's "Welcome Home" party for Micah and Sarah. And, let me just tell you, when they walked in the door to Ryan and Rachel's house, the tears started flowing. I, unfortunately, was the culprit who started the tears as I am the one who answered the door to their knock, but they were tears of immense joy and relief. Micah immediately handed me the photo book he had put together of Donovan that included pictures of myself pregnant and then continued on with pictures of Donovan from when he was first born to family pictures of all of us when he was just a few months old. Micah, of course, did an INCREDIBLE job on the book and I know it will be something I treasure always. The rest of the evening was spent with an air of celebration as well as anticipation of future events that would include ALL of us.

Saturday I got the chance to go to Joplin with my sister Amy and hang out with just her, which had been quite some time since we'd had a chance like that. The time with her was awesome. Again with the tears and laughter and such. :) It amuses me just how alike we are and how vastly different we are too. Never a dull moment when the two of us get together! The walks down "Memory Lane" are treasured and ones that often bring us to tears from laughing so hard. It was great to have the time together before she ups and marries Ugo and is no longer the last "Unclaimed Treasure" of the Sterrett clan.

Sunday was the church-wide pizza party thing in honor of Micah and Sarah's return and it was fun. It was great to see them in the midst of everyone again. It was evident how much they have been missed by all. Sunday evening, I had the privelege of going out for coffee with my friend, David Gray, and it was great to just sit and talk with him. I love talking with people who are so easy to talk to, and he is definitely one of those people. And, the thing is, I know when he asks a question it isn't JUST for the sake of keeping up the conversation but because he REALLY cares about the answer. He's not one to do the whole "Hey, how are ya?" and then keep moving situation. If he asks, he ACTUALLY wants to know. Weird, right? Well, it shouldn't be... He's a good person to learn from. He has such a big and open heart and you can't help but feel honored to be around him.

Monday morning before we left, I was supposed to have coffee with Joy Noga, but Daniel ended up getting really sick and she was unable to make it. I did, however, invite my sister Sarah to go with Joy and I for coffee the day before and saw no reason to cancel with Sarah when Joy couldn't go with. So, Sarah and I went to Starbucks and ended up sitting there for almost 3 hours talking and laughing and crying and talking. Obviously, as she has been in South Korea for the past 2 years, such times with her have been non-existent, and the time was WONDERFUL. We were both very disappointed that Joy couldn't join us, but we managed to have a good time in spite of it. We are hoping and planning on a do-over with you, Joy, so plan on it next time I'm in town. :) So, after coffee came the time to go back to my sister's house, pack up, and head back home to Ellsworth. As much as I really do love Ellsworth and the people here, my heart always feels a little worse for wear as we leave Pittsburg. I think this time was even a little worse since we were now leaving Micah and Sarah behind as well. Ugh. Yeah... still a little achey... So, moving on...

Our drive home to Ellsworth was good. The sunset we were met with was STUNNING and literally looked like the sky was on fire. I caught several pictures of it with my new camera, and I am SUPER stoked with how they turned out. So, be sure to keep a look-out on Facebook for those pictures. Who knows, maybe I'll feel motivated to post a few on here as well... Eh, we'll see. The picture at the top of my blog is such a picture, but I don't know that I will put more than that one on here though...

As usual, it was great to see everyone and I am excited for our next trip to Pitt next month!

"Lazy Sunday Evenings"

Why is it that Sunday evenings always bring with them a sleepiness that cannot be ignored? Even if I am full of energy and ready to go and hang out with people, as soon as I settle into a couch, sleep begs to take over. Obviously, at this moment I am resisting it, but it continues to creep around... So, there is a solid chance that I will go get some Starbucks as soon as I am done with this to prepare myself for the evening. The cozier I get now, the harder it will be later to move... On a random side-note: My dad makes me laugh because it never fails that, as soon as lunch is over and everyone is settling in the living room for more conversation and hanging out, he quickly fades into oblivion and falls asleep in spite of the conversation and noise surrounding him. I have never seen ANYONE be able to sleep through as much as he does. I'm sure it isn't just Sunday evenings, but he can fall asleep anywhere at any time and sleep right through all sorts of chaos. The ability to do so must be nice...

Anyway... Today was Sarah and Micah's first Sunday back and this whole weekend of hanging out has just felt so RIGHT in that they have been a part again. We were able to have our whole "sister time" of trying on our bridesmaids dresses and the accessories to go with, and it was, of course, filled with much laughter and loud, excited talking. What we were DOING wasn't the point so much as doing it together and being together again. It was just a relief and it was really good. It was so fun to have all 5 of us girls trying to share a mirror again. There have been so many little things that I haven't even realized I have been missing that have happened that have made my heart sigh a little sigh of contentment and longing for more times as such. It is so great to be around Micah and again witness all of his antics in person. He was always pulling something "Micah" when we'd talk on Skype, but nothing tops hanging out with him in person. He is one of the best story-tellers I have ever heard and, by far, one of the most hilarious people I know. Again, it just felt so right. I feel so thankful for this weekend, and I am beyond excited knowing that future visits will include getting to see and hang out with Micah and Sarah. See you all in March!